Why Would You Say That?

So, this past weekend, the club volleyball team I coach participated in the Asics President's Day Classic in Omaha. I couldn't have asked for a better weekend from the team. Every single player got better, and I literally saw seismic changes in the course of just a couple of points.

It brings me, however, to the title of this entry. On two different times Sunday, an official or a coach who had been on the other side of the net told me that they were impressed that I coached my team all the way till the end. Huh?

My first thought was, that's literally my job. My job is to help these young athletes get better, learn from every mistake, and grow their competence and confidence in volleyball.

Then it hit me, and I've watched and commented on this a lot, but my humility (yes, I swear I have some), gets in the way sometimes. I felt like I was doing the bare minimum, but there are coaches I see ALL THE TIME who are doing so much less.

My style of coaching has always been super-engaged. It's the only way I think about it. I'm not trying to make a spectacle, though I know I sometimes do. I get caught up in the emotion of the match in much the same way my players do. Although I like to think that most of the time I can be calm and reasoned when need be, and I try not to get too hot-headed.

Though I've definitely not always been perfect, I try to take the lessons that I imperfectly use in teaching, specifically praise in public, criticize in private. The times I haven't stuck to this, I've tried to make sure I apologize to the athlete in question.

I certainly have tried not to scream at my players in front of a whole gym. I don't think that gets you any place as a coach and it sure doesn't fit my style. Again, the times when I have, I've tried to make it right with the athletes.

One has to acknowledge that all players respond to different coaching. There are absolutely athletes who thrive when getting called out in front of large groups. However, that's not my personality, and I know it comes off as artificial and contrived.

Rarely have I been without something to say to the players on the court. That's why it's so easy for me to coach all the way to the very last point. I've also seen some spectacular comebacks in my day, and don't ever want to deny the players that opportunity because it feels as though I've given up on them. It's not who I am.

Prior to now, did I think of my technique as teaching great lessons to my players? No. I really didn't. However, being engaged with your team every point conveys the message that they're still important, valuable, and can be successful, even if things aren't going perfectly.

One of the things I love about the club that I have the privilege to coach for is that's exactly what our club director expects. The expectation is that we coach the kids to improve every point and play the right way, and then winning will come. We know if we train the girls correctly in practice, and enforce that "We will get better every point" mindset, the wins will come in spades. The club season is a marathon, not a sprint. So far, every year I've coached with this club, it's been the case that the teams have been much better at the end of the season. I'm so grateful to still be part of the organization.

This whole, "Why Would You Say That?" thing got me thinking about something down the same lines that's always bothered me. The idea that dads "babysit" their own kids. I'm sorry, but that's unfathomably stupid to me, and kind of offensive.

But the more I thought about it, the more I realized we say it for the EXACT SAME REASON as the coaching comments from the officials and other coaches I mentioned earlier. Other dads set the bar so low. The idea that dads only parent part time, or from time to time is sort of like babysitting.

If you read this and take issue with this last bit, that's fine. So far, in my marriage, the division of responsibility has been pretty good, I think (signs that I'm probably wrong....). I SO look forward to coming home every day and playing with Everett. In fact, I look forward to it more each day because I swear to God he learns how to do something new and fun daily.

I don't babysit Everett. I never have. I never will. He's my son. I parent him. Sometimes well, sometimes not as well, but I signed up to be his parent, not his babysitter.

Ideally, the type of coaching for which I received the compliments I did over the weekend would become so commonplace, no one would even notice me. Heck, I wish people didn't notice me coaching, because it takes the focus off the players who are putting their all on the line. I know, I know, I do stupid things on the sideline that naturally draw attention, but it's not to put the attention on me, it's to celebrate with my players; to show them that I'm with them.

Tell me all your Thoughts

I've been ruminating this one for quite awhile.  I've been ruminating this one because a) it sounds nothing like the me that moved from Colorado and b) a LOT of my friends will disagree.  I'm open to it, and I'll listen to your impassioned disagreements, so long as you're willing to listen to mine, and you've read the entirety of this blog.

For those of you who expected a religion-themed post from me... I'm shocked.  I'm shocked that you expected it.  Me in 2010, I'd have been shocked.  Me in 2012?  I'm more than comfortable talking about my beliefs.  They haven't changed dramatically since my move.  It's more that I've actually spent time thinking about it and realise that the words that I've always had are fine.  I don't have to use "proper" words to express and defend my beliefs.  My beliefs are built with my words.

Unexpected side rant - Why do we have to defend our beliefs?  Unless my (your) beliefs are hurting someone else, live and let live!  I cannot, and will not here, defend the actions of many Christians and Christian groups in God's name.  Nor will I address the atrocities committed by many extreme groups of other faiths, Islam being the example most readily available.  I won't address either of those, because those people represent such a small portion of their respective faiths, that I think I've already given too many words relative to the size of this post.  That being said, I have so many friends of so many different of so many different faiths who are wonderful people, that I get sick of the idea that we have to defend our spirituality.  Atheist, Agnostic, Buddhist, Pagan, Jew, anyone else who I'm forgetting, let's just acknowledge that we all believe differently.  If you want to explain your beliefs to me, great!  I'll be happy to explain mine to you, and where they've come from.  If, however, you want to belittle me or mock me for being a Christian, I'm done.  I will pay you the same courtesy and not mock your faith.  I'm sick of people calling Christians stupid in particular.  My IQ is well over 130.  My Faith is based on life experiences and conversations with God, not ignorance or naivete.

God.  I invite my friends of other faiths to replace that word with your deity (or deities), the world, the fates, or the word "coincidence."  In thinking on this, I've been trying to decide if there are coincidences in the world.  Does crazy s**t just happen, or is it part of His grand design?  Honestly, I think there still have to be coincidences (this morning, when I'd decided to write this today, my answer would have been no).  Free Will is the basis of Original Sin.  God gave us Free Will knowing full well that we'd blow it.  Almost immediately.  We did that, very nicely.  In Deuteronomy, God says we'll forsake him(31:16).  He knew.  He gave us the gift of Free Will anyway.  My relationship with God is stronger because I chose to walk with Him.  He loves us, even when we don't love him (like our parents!).  That being said, I have a hard time seeing a lot of coincidences.  The BIG things in my life?  I just wasn't listening.  I could list the things since I've moved here, but I won't bore you.  The biggest things of late, Markeya and Lincoln?  God's been loud.  I moved here for a reason, and I listened when he suggested this to me.  I'm glad I did, as I've been very happy here (I still want to come back, don't worry).  It's renewed and revitalised me and is still doing so in ways I didn't think it would.

I also started listening.  I have not asked Him to show Himself to me.  Thank goodness, because, as Father Mark said this morning, you have to be careful if you do, He might just show up!  Not just trying to read the signs that God put in front of me, but also asking for him to talk directly to me.  He doesn't always do it, but it's remarkable when he actually does.  My key has not been asking for things, but telling Him that I'm listening.  He wants us to be happy and successful.  He gives us the tools.  Look in the previous paragraph (that's an imperative sentence, kids).  He gave us Free Will.  We have to do the right things with those tools.  I've effed up repeatedly.  My life's not always been great.  He was, probably, sad when that happened.  I can't say that for sure, but I'd imagine He was sad.  I'm trying to make him happy now.  He knows I won't always do it.

One of my players last year drew it out for me.  We started one of my (to that point) most uncomfortable conversations because the Westboro Baptist Church was protesting at a high school in Iowa we drove past. Balls (her nickname, and I've never met a girl who was farther from her nickname) asked me about my faith... and I talked... a little.  She talked a lot.  A bit of background.  This girl is one of the nicest people you'll ever meet.  She's also naive to the world, to a point, and is incredibly forgiving.  She sees nothing but good and does nothing but good.  She is devout.  She is, in almost every way, what you would picture if I told you she's 20 years old, grew up in a small midwestern town, and is devoutly Christian.  What she said was NOT what I expected.  She tries to live a Pious life.  She tries to do exactly what God would ask.  Her words?  She can't.  She will never be able to live up to His expectations.  She's not perfect.  She sins daily.  He knows she will.  He sent Jesus because of that.  Jesus died for sins committed and yet to be.  I don't live a perfect life, by any means.  I am, however, making fewer mistakes than I used to.  I still cuss, drink, have the occasional cigar and FREQUENT unclean thoughts.  I'm working on it.  He's talking to me.  He forgives me because He loves me, and I love Him.  I don't pray for everything every night.  I do, however, always tell Him of my gratitude for the plethora of ways He has blessed me.  I am in awe and humbled by His power, His grace, His benevolence, and His goodness!

By way of a disclaimer, I am not, nor will I ever be, a creationist.  I am still scientific-minded and see the logic in things like Evolution and the many and varied scientific theories and proofs out there.  Fundamentally, I don't think I've really changed.  I've been a Christian for quite some time, but am more confident in my beliefs.  I found a church I love with a priest and congregation that is just wonderful.  I was asked to participate in a prayer group, and I'm glad that I did.  Really, all it did was make me more comfortable as a Christian.  Knowing that I didn't have to know, that's not a key.  Knowing that the most important part of this faith is love and gratitude for Him.  I try to show Him I love Him, and will do my best to lead others to him.  I'm not here to demand others follow Him, but if you ask the way, I'll do my best to show you.  I'm here because He wants me here.

Want to know more?  Just ask.