The Blessing of Volleyball

Whoa. It's been much longer than I thought it would have been since I last posted. I'm sorry my loyal (heh) followers. From the minute I wrote that last one, I knew I wanted to write something talking about the blessings I've received in my life.

Some of you know how hard that last one was for me to write. Why? Well, I generally don't want to burden others with my problems. They feel so insignificant compared to what others face. However, since so many on the internet display the good, I wanted to add the bad and be honest.

I've lived an incredibly charmed life. I know this. I try desperately to look at my life and my experiences through as objective of a lens as I can. We all know that's not terribly reliable, but I do try to look at my life somewhat objectively.

I'm also very hard on myself as many of you know. It's not worth spending a lot of time on, but nevertheless, looking at myself objectively isn't that easy.

So, another part of the reason that I've been SUPER delayed in writing this is because of volleyball season. High school season is absolutely nuts and constant. I love it, but it's a very busy time of year, and when home, I wanted to spend time with Keya and Everett.

My intent was to write an entry about the blessings in my life. The words to talk about the array of blessings in my life didn't quite come to me. I don't know why. Probably because as much as I hate burdening people with my problems, I'm also not crazy about talking about this type of... bragging? I don't really like it.

However, as I've been racking my brain to try and think about what the hell to write here, I kept coming back to the thread that runs throughout all of the things that are great in my life is one thing....

Volleyball.

See, I've mentioned this before. As I look at the best things in my life, I can almost always trace them back to volleyball, though sometimes it's at best tenuous.

I discovered volleyball as a competitive men's sport in fall of 1996, when I was supposed to be watching a debate meet at Boulder High School. I couldn't find any of the rooms where debate was happening, but I stumbled backwards into a boy's volleyball match. I was hooked.

Thanks to boy's volleyball, I got to compete twice in the state tournament, and coach in it once. Those are experiences I hope to help my high school teams have soon.

I got to meet some of my closest friends through volleyball, both coaching and playing. I'm so grateful for the friends I've made through volleyball.

As I sit now, here in Lincoln, Nebraska, I think about the more fundamental things that I owe to volleyball.

In 2011, volleyball brought me from Colorado to Nebraska. That first summer living here in Nebraska took me to UNK for volleyball camps for the third straight summer. That's where I met Markeya. Now, this post is too short for me to talk about that at length, especially our courtship, but that's a huge gift I owe to volleyball.

Obviously, Everett is yet another blessing I owe to volleyball since he is a result of this relationship. Again, I cannot, in the space I expect to use here, talk appropriately about the blessing that he is.

Volleyball brought me the club coaching job I love so much. Spending time in the gym with so many people who are so committed to and passionate about the sport I love so much is rejuvenating and exciting.

Volleyball brought me a couple of wonderful teaching jobs. I had six full years at Dorchester that, until the very end, were fantastic. After that went south, I found Weeping Water, which is a wonderful place that I never would've imagined I'd end up. We're in the very beginning of this adventure, so I can't speak much to it, but I'm thrilled to be part of the Weeping Water team.

I could go, point-by-point, through quite a few more blessings that I've had thanks to volleyball. I thought it'd make more sense to focus on the big ones. If you'd have told 16-year-old Ty that volleyball would become one of the biggest driving forces in my life, I'd have told you that you were crazy, but here we are and (almost) 39-year-old Ty can't count all the ways he's blessed, but he can count one thing to which he owes many of those ways.

Volleyball.

It's kinda weird, but it's really awesome.

Why Would You Say That?

So, this past weekend, the club volleyball team I coach participated in the Asics President's Day Classic in Omaha. I couldn't have asked for a better weekend from the team. Every single player got better, and I literally saw seismic changes in the course of just a couple of points.

It brings me, however, to the title of this entry. On two different times Sunday, an official or a coach who had been on the other side of the net told me that they were impressed that I coached my team all the way till the end. Huh?

My first thought was, that's literally my job. My job is to help these young athletes get better, learn from every mistake, and grow their competence and confidence in volleyball.

Then it hit me, and I've watched and commented on this a lot, but my humility (yes, I swear I have some), gets in the way sometimes. I felt like I was doing the bare minimum, but there are coaches I see ALL THE TIME who are doing so much less.

My style of coaching has always been super-engaged. It's the only way I think about it. I'm not trying to make a spectacle, though I know I sometimes do. I get caught up in the emotion of the match in much the same way my players do. Although I like to think that most of the time I can be calm and reasoned when need be, and I try not to get too hot-headed.

Though I've definitely not always been perfect, I try to take the lessons that I imperfectly use in teaching, specifically praise in public, criticize in private. The times I haven't stuck to this, I've tried to make sure I apologize to the athlete in question.

I certainly have tried not to scream at my players in front of a whole gym. I don't think that gets you any place as a coach and it sure doesn't fit my style. Again, the times when I have, I've tried to make it right with the athletes.

One has to acknowledge that all players respond to different coaching. There are absolutely athletes who thrive when getting called out in front of large groups. However, that's not my personality, and I know it comes off as artificial and contrived.

Rarely have I been without something to say to the players on the court. That's why it's so easy for me to coach all the way to the very last point. I've also seen some spectacular comebacks in my day, and don't ever want to deny the players that opportunity because it feels as though I've given up on them. It's not who I am.

Prior to now, did I think of my technique as teaching great lessons to my players? No. I really didn't. However, being engaged with your team every point conveys the message that they're still important, valuable, and can be successful, even if things aren't going perfectly.

One of the things I love about the club that I have the privilege to coach for is that's exactly what our club director expects. The expectation is that we coach the kids to improve every point and play the right way, and then winning will come. We know if we train the girls correctly in practice, and enforce that "We will get better every point" mindset, the wins will come in spades. The club season is a marathon, not a sprint. So far, every year I've coached with this club, it's been the case that the teams have been much better at the end of the season. I'm so grateful to still be part of the organization.

This whole, "Why Would You Say That?" thing got me thinking about something down the same lines that's always bothered me. The idea that dads "babysit" their own kids. I'm sorry, but that's unfathomably stupid to me, and kind of offensive.

But the more I thought about it, the more I realized we say it for the EXACT SAME REASON as the coaching comments from the officials and other coaches I mentioned earlier. Other dads set the bar so low. The idea that dads only parent part time, or from time to time is sort of like babysitting.

If you read this and take issue with this last bit, that's fine. So far, in my marriage, the division of responsibility has been pretty good, I think (signs that I'm probably wrong....). I SO look forward to coming home every day and playing with Everett. In fact, I look forward to it more each day because I swear to God he learns how to do something new and fun daily.

I don't babysit Everett. I never have. I never will. He's my son. I parent him. Sometimes well, sometimes not as well, but I signed up to be his parent, not his babysitter.

Ideally, the type of coaching for which I received the compliments I did over the weekend would become so commonplace, no one would even notice me. Heck, I wish people didn't notice me coaching, because it takes the focus off the players who are putting their all on the line. I know, I know, I do stupid things on the sideline that naturally draw attention, but it's not to put the attention on me, it's to celebrate with my players; to show them that I'm with them.